Friday 17 September 2010

Wank

News in brief...

T-Party

"... lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can't masturbate without lust."

So says the poster girl of the Republican Tea Party Christine O' Donnell. And at a stroke she has alienated the majority of ordinary masturbating folk. The exceptions can only be:-

- Those too busy smoking cigarettes to have time to masturbate.

- Anyone needing both hands to operate their PC, laptop or IPod.

- Anyone with poor wrist action, or poor hand to eye co-ordination

- Anyone who doesn't know what goes on "down below".

- Anyone with an extremely short attention span

Said one Republican aide upon hearing Ms. O' Donnell's outburst: "Uh, oh. There goes the self-abuse vote."


Old hat

Labour leadership nominees will soon be debating how to "re-brand" the party - and most important of all - what to call it. "New" Labour is considered very "last season" and it is accepted that a new name is needed to indicate a clear break with the past. Here are some options that might emphasise that break

- Democratic Labour

- Real Labour

- Clean Labour

- Whiter than White Labour

- Honest Labour

- Transparent Labour

- The Peoples' Labour

- Hard Labour

- Keir? Hardly!